Injuries pile up

It's been a rough weekend for the DMBL, but a good weekend for the team doctors. Five players went down with injuries that will keep them out for the better of two weeks. Carolina lost first baseman Ryan Garko, but they figure Paul Konerko sounds almost the same and fans will never tell the difference.

Meanwhile Joe Mauer and Yadier Molina collided in the field in a strange play. Molina appeared to bobble a throw home to get Mauer. When Molina went down to pick up the ball, he lunged into a sliding Mauer, causing all sorts of carnage on the field. Vegas manager and owner Eric Wickstrom protested, calling it a cheap shot by Newark's "goon", accusing Molina of purposely taking out Mauer. "It's just more cheating by Garretson's Goons" said Chone Figgins, who was running the bases during the play. "Of course it was a scrub that took out Mauer, not one of the stars! How convenient!" While Molina objected to being called a "scrub", it was pointed out to him that in fact, yes, he was a scrub. "I stand corrected" Molina apologized on the way to the ER.

D.C.'s Shawn Hill will miss at least two starts after leaving in the first inning of Saturday's game against Blue Ridge. Hill will be replaced by Sean Marshall, who was released by the Bushslappers prior to opening day. "We have to keep up our quota of Seans in the rotation" said team owner Jamie Landsman.

Finally, Hillsborough lost first baseman Dmitri Young for two weeks after Young slid awkwardly trying to score. "I saw what [Plunker catcher Kenji Johjima] was doing..." said an irate Young after the game. "He tried to Yadier me." When asked about the play, Johjima said that he definitely did not try to Yadier the first baseman. "I couldn't possibly Yadier him. I'm not a scrub" he stated via translator.